The Miracle Question
Grief Counseling and the Miracle Question
When I began grief counseling, one of the first things my counselor asked me to do was answer the "miracle question." If you’ve never heard of it, the miracle question is a prompt that therapists and counselors often use to help clients picture their goals and start envisioning a way forward. It’s about imagining what your life would look like if a miracle happened, where all your problems were solved, and you had a clear roadmap to the future you want to build.
For me, the miracle question wasn’t just about what I wanted or what I missed; it forced me to imagine what healing could look like under my current, painful reality. This meant acknowledging my sister’s passing as a fact—no small feat and something that brought up a lot of painful emotions. My counselor reminded me that in answering the miracle question, I had to work within the current circumstances, which meant I couldn’t wish for my sister to come back. I couldn’t picture a life with her still here. I had to ask myself, With things as they are now, what would healing look like for me?
Accepting Reality and Setting a New Roadmap
At first, it was incredibly difficult to even consider the idea of healing within the reality of my loss. I didn’t want to admit that my sister was truly gone; part of me was still holding on to the idea that this was just a bad dream. But this question demanded honesty. I had to confront my new reality, one where my sister isn’t physically present, and start to visualize what it would mean to honor her memory while moving forward in my own life.
So I gave myself time and space to do this “homework.” I reflected on the things I loved about my sister and thought about the ways I could continue to celebrate her life and keep her spirit close. I pictured myself journaling, sharing her story, and honoring her in my daily routines. It wasn’t easy—at times, it felt impossible to even think of a future without her—but this process helped me envision what life could look like even in the face of such loss. And with this new roadmap in mind, I slowly began to find a sense of peace.
Creating Goals to Honor My Sister
Through this exercise, I imagined myself fulfilling goals I knew would make my sister proud. I pictured myself finishing my degree, starting a career, and one day even having a family, all with the confidence that she’d be proud of me. I journaled about her, shared her memory with those around me, and started to see that these simple acts could be ways to honor her and keep her presence in my life.
For anyone grieving, the miracle question can provide a powerful way to process the realities of loss while imagining a path forward. Answering this question didn’t mean I stopped missing my sister, but it gave me a way to move through the pain and toward a life that reflects her love and spirit.
The Miracle Question for Those Not in Counseling
If you’re reading this and aren’t sure about counseling or are looking for ways to reflect on your own, I encourage you to try the miracle question for yourself. Take a moment to write it down, meditate on it, or even type it into your notes app. Imagine that tomorrow you woke up, and a miracle happened: What does your life look like? What coping skills have you developed? How do you honor the loved one you’ve lost? What’s different in your day-to-day routine?
Working through this question helped me kickstart my healing, and I hope it can help you, too. Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer, and the miracle question is only a tool to help you find your way through grief. So if you’re feeling lost, give yourself a moment to imagine what healing could look like—even as things are now.